And I would be the one
to hold you down,
kiss you so hard,
I'll take your breath away
and after I'd wipe away the tears,
Just close your eyes dear
~Sarah McLachlan, "Possession"

---

I'm laying in bed, taking a nap before pregame meals, when I instinctively wake up at the click and woosh of the door shutting.

Pavel is standing at the foot of my bed, looking miserable, his hair disheveled and his usually impeccable clothing untucked.

"What's wrong," I ask, rubbing the sleep from my eyes and letting out a yawn.

"I missed you, Val. You didn't come to my bed last night," he says, softly, looking wounded that I would dare to rebuff him.

"I know. I needed to actually sleep," I sit up and turn on the light beside my bed.

He sits down beside me. "I need you," he whispers, reaching under the covers and touching my bare arm.

"Wait. Pavel - " I'm awake now. WIDE awake.

"No, Val, now," he insists, tugging at my t-shirt. "I want you now."

"Pavel - " I try to sit up and turn on my light, but he forces his mouth over mine, and oh God I can taste him. He's been drinking. I push my hands against his shoulders and force him away. "You're drunk. Just go back to your room, okay? And what the hell are you doing getting drunk before a game?"

He runs his fingers down my neck and I shudder. "Your lips might be saying no, but your body isn't." He slips his hand down lower.

"Stop, Pavs - I don't - "

"Just let me take care of you," he whispers, the neediness in his voice twisting my soul.

I hate him, I really do... But...

"No, not now. What if Viktor comes back?" I ask, weakly, on the verge of giving in. 'Be strong be strong be strong...'

It's his voice that does me in, the plaintive neediness.

"I need this, Valeri," he whines, like a little child, and I crack.

"Okay, just this once..." I close my eyes, hating myself.

Pavel removes my clothing and then his own, and I try to focus on something else, like the game, or Candy, or something. Anything but Pavel and what his lips are doing.

This is so wrong, but why do I let him continue to manipulate me? Why can't I just be strong, for once, and turn him down? Why does it feel so good? Why...why am I so confused?

I keep my eyes closed until he's finished. His breathing is ragged, and he presses his cheek against my abdomen.

"Love you Val," he whispers, his breath tickling my skin.

I run my fingers through his long brown hair. "I know."

He smiles contentedly and snuggles a little closer to me.

I now know why I can't escape. He owns me. He owns my soul.

---

I lay in the bathtub, the curtain pulled around me, freezing cold water coursing down my back. My arms and chest are rubbed raw from 'cleansing' myself after mine and Pasha's last excursion, and I ache all over.

This is bad, so bad. And I don't know how I can escape.

I think I hear voices, so I pull the curtain around me a little tighter. Someone jiggles the doorknob.

"Valya? It's Viktor, you okay?"

"I'm fine," I call out, frantically. "Um, I'll be out in a second." I use the cheap plastic curtain to support my weight, and pull myself into a standing position. My entire body hurts.

After wrapping a towel around my waist, I exit the bathroom, hoping Viktor won't notice the marks on my body.

"Shit Valya, what happened?" He asks, putting his palm in the middle of my chest and stopping me. "Did you get in a fight? I'd hate to see what the other guy looks like." Viktor laughs, eyes crinkling in the corners.

I lower my head in shame. "Nothing happened."

Viktor frowns, removing his hand. "That can't be true, Valya."

I shrug. "It is, Koz. I can't...talk about it." I move toward my bed and climb in, pulling the covers up around my chin. I can't stop shaking.

Viktor pulls up a chair beside my nightstand. "Come on, Valya, I know you're not telling me the truth. God, you're shaking!" He puts the back of his hand against my forehead. "Are you sure you're okay?"

I nod, despite my mind's resistance. "I'm fine."

Viktor shakes his head at me and, without warning, yanks the covers down. "Jesus, Valya!" He sweeps his eyes over the cuts, nicks and bruises on my chest, arms, legs and thighs, and shakes his head. "What the hell happened to you?"

I grab for the covers, but he tosses them out of my reach. "Nothing. None of your business. Just leave me ALONE."

"I want answers, Valya. I won't leave until you talk to me," he insists, firmly. Viktor touches a bruise on my arm and I wince, in pain.

"I did it, to myself," I confess, my face shoved into my pillow, unable to look him in the eyes.

"I don't believe you."

"It's true," I cry, looking up at him, my eyes large and frightened. "It's true!"

"Why would you hurt yourself?" he asks, softly.

"Because I hate what I am," I reply, purposely cryptic.

"Valya, you've got a beautiful wife and three adorable kids - not to mention, one on the way. And you get to play with your brother every day, in Florida. How bad could it possibly be to be Valeri Bure?" He asks, counting off my blessings on his fingers.

"Being Pavel Bure's brother is no blessing," I whisper, more to myself.

He stops counting. "Wha - why? Because you're not the star he is?"

I close my eyes and draw a deep breath. "Because...I've got a secret. A bad one."

Viktor touches my back. "You can tell me, Valya... No secret is so bad that it can't be told."

"Then why do so many people keep secrets?" I counter.

"Because they're afraid they'll have no one to turn to," he replies. "I'm here, I'll listen. You just have to stop being afraid."

I sigh and sit up, pulling the covers up around my waist and resting my hands in my lap. "Okay... It goes way back to when my parents divorced, when I was nine...although things didn't take a turn for the worse until I turned thirteen..." I pause. I don't know if I can tell him. But he's right, I need to stop being afraid of Pavel. I need to grow up.

Viktor's expression darkens. "Go on," he murmurs, taking my hand in his. "I'm here for you, Valya."

I close my eyes and continue.

Part 5 | Part 7