***Boyd's POV***

"You haven't moved in hours."

Dandy's sitting at the foot of the bed, knees pulled up to his chest, watching me. I'm not so sure what he's waiting for. Like he said, I haven't moved since we got here after flying in from St. Louis. I don’t have the energy to move. What's the point? My days are numbered. Once Steve comes back from injury....I don’t know how I'm going to face him. I had a hard enough time when he didn’t know, and now this is just going to be impossible. Not to mention my fight with Shanny, which I'm sure will gain me all kinds of brownie points with the rest of the team. I think it's safe to say that this is my own personal hell.

Dandy sighs. "Boyd? You're scaring me."

I glance up at him. Ever since he scraped me off the floor of the locker room Wednesday, he's been there for me. He let me stay awake sobbing out what had happened that night, he put up with my constant pacing Thursday, he didn't mind me spending all of Friday hiding under the covers. "I'm sorry, Dandy," I mutter.

"It's ok." He moves closer to me. "I know it didn't work the other million times I told you this, but I really think it's going to be ok."

I rub my forehead in frustration. "How is it gonna be ok? He knows now. That is the most not-ok thing ever."

Dandy sighs. "You aren't giving him a lot of credit, you know."

"Huh?" I turn to stare at him. "What do you mean?"

"You seem to be expecting him to bite your head off now that he knows."

"And you don't think he will?" I ask. Right Dandy, he's just gonna blow it off. Sure.

He smiles. "No, I don't think he will. And you know why?"

I roll my eyes. "Why?"

"Because Stevie is a mature, rational adult. He's not gonna flip out over your crush." Dandy stands up. "You getting this upset isn't gonna do any good. You need to get some sleep. You need to relax."

I squeeze my eyes shut. He doesn't understand, he just doesn't. "That's really easy for you to say."

Dandy opens his mouth to answer, but he's cut off by a knock on the door. He opens the door and Shanny is standing there. Ohh shit.

"Hey Dandy," Shanny says. "I think Mac was looking for you...."

"He's at home with an infected finger..." Shanny starts to cough, and Dandy's eyes widen in realization. "Oh, oh you mean THAT Mac. I'm going, I'm going."

I would laugh at the obvious dismissal, but I'm too upset. Shanny and I are alone together. Again. Just wonderful.

"Hey Boyd," Shanny says quietly.

"Hey," I reply.

He sighs. "Look, I'm sorry. I shouldn’t have gotten so mad at you yesterday. I know you were upset. And I'm sorry for telling Stevie to talk to you, but believe me, I did not tell him that you loved him. I swear to God I didn't."

I gulp. He sounds sincere, and it would make sense, but...something just doesn't feel right. "Why did you tell him to talk to me?"

Shanny sits down on one of the beds. "I thought it would help. I thought...I thought it would help you to work this mess out."

I stare downwards. "Work it out how?"

He lets out an exasperated breath. "I don't know! I figured that you're a smart kid, you would think of something." He closes his eyes. "I wanted to help."

"I...uhm..." What am I supposed to tell him? That talking to Steve terrified me? That the best way to help me would be to just put me out of my misery? I can't say that to him, he'd think I was even more nuts than he already thought I was. "I'm sorry for accusing you." I mutter.

"Hey, it's ok..." Shanny runs a hand through his hair. "Look. I didn't tell Stevie, but I think you need to. It won't be as bad as you think."

Not this again. I'm not sure how much more I can tolerate of people trying to get me to march willingly to my own execution. "And you know this how?"

"I just do." He stands up. "I'm gonna get some sleep now. You should too. It's late."

"Yeah. Good night."

Shanny leaves and I flop back on my bed. I can't tell Steve. Absolutely not. That would be the worst thing I could possibly do. Regardless of what Shanny told him, I just can't tell him. None of them understand. He's the captain, and I'm just Boyd. It doesn't matter how mature he would be about it, it doesn't matter if it won't be as bad as I think, he can't know. Absolutely not. I turn the light off, pull the covers over my head, and whisper that over and over. "He can't know. He can't know. He can't know..."

Where can I go to feel
Like I'm alive again
Show me the places
Where I can forget your name
I can't find anything
Except a void inside
- Vast, "I Don't Have Anything"

Part 10 | Part 12