"Excuse me," I whisper, pathetically. "What?"

"Valeri, our bedroom, now," she snaps, glaring at Pavel. He looks generally confused, and rubs the back of his head.

"Okay, okay." I grab her hand and drag her into the bedroom, shutting it behind us.

She raises the baby monitor in her hand. "I don't know what to think, Val... I really don't... Are you and Pavel...are you... Oh God, Valeri!" She hurls the monitor to the floor and holds her head in her hands. "You and Pavel! Your own brother!"

"You think this is hard on YOU?" I ask, unleashing all the anger that had been building inside me for the last sixteen years. "Do you want to know when it started, huh Candy?"

She shakes her head. "Val, I don't want to h - "

"It started when I was thirteen," I spit at her, pacing the bedroom. "It's been going on ever since. It gives me ulcers just to think about it. My life is a living hell because of it! But I tried to be strong for you and the kids! I tried to be Pavel's rock!"

"Valeri, don't you see he used you?" she asks, fretfully.

"He only did what he thought was right," I snap, wiping at my eyes. "I was younger, I didn't know any better... It was our secret, it was 'cool' to have a secret with my brother. A secret we could keep from Papa! He'd give me things. Only Pavel could make me happy, only Pavel could get me into CSKA. Only Pavel could get me to the United States, and then the NHL. If it weren't for Pavel, we would never have met!"

"STOP SAYING HIS NAME!" She cries, grabbing my arm. "He didn't get you into CSKA, the NHL OR the United States, Valeri! YOUR talent did! YOUR skills! Not any of Pavel's clout! You did it for yourself! You don't have to depend on him!"

"He loves me." I reply, numbly.

"He manipulated you," she states.

"He did what he thought was right," I say, shaking my head. "I only wanted to protect you and the kids. I don't want him to be alone with Lev, or Natasha. I don't trust him. So I protect you by - "

"By sacrificing yourself to him?" She asks, crying now.

"It's my job to protect my family," I protest.

"You could have told me what he did to you," she says, sadly. "We could have worked together to figure out away to end this cycle of abuse - "

"How can it be abuse if I deserved it?" I ask, a catch in my voice. "How can it be abuse if I wanted it?" I never thought I'd be defending Pavlusha's actions, and here I was, defending him to my own wife. Now I truly understood him, I understood his pain. He was only doing what he thought was right. He couldn't help himself. It was like a...compulsion.

"You didn't want this, Val! I heard everything! You were just a boy! How could you have wanted this?!" she exclaims, shaking me by my shoulders. "You have to understand that! You've been so strong up to this point. Please don't walk out on me now."

"Pavel needs me right now, Candy." I whisper.

"He needs a psychologist. There's nothing more you can do for him. Can't you see that?" she asks, shrilly.

I sigh and walk over to the window, turning my back on her and look at my reflection in the mirror. Pavlusha always looked more like Papa and I took more after Mama, and he'd always been resentful of that, for the simple fact that he and Papa didn't get along.

'It's like looking at a photograph of Father,' he had whined to me once. 'I can't stand looking like him. It's enough to make me want to cut my face with a razor.'

'He'd always had problems,' I think to myself, but push that thought out of my brain. How shameful I feel now, betraying his love and devotion like that. After he'd given himself selflessly to me. A brother aught to have more loyalty than that.

'Sometimes I wish I had the guts to kill myself,' he'd said to me, when the rumors were running rampant in Vancouver that he'd blackmailed the team during the 1994 playoffs. 'I can't trust anyone here, Valya. No one in Vancouver likes me, they think I'm some greedy Russian khokhol. You're my only friend. You're the only one I can trust.'

I sigh and touch my forehead to the glass, running over in my mind all the 'evidence'.

'If you leave me, I'll kill myself, Valya. I swear to God I will.'

I remember the time I walked in on him, cutting his bare chest with his razor. I'd stopped him just in time and gotten him to the bathroom, and taken care of the superficial wounds. It was shortly after we'd left Russian with Papa, and I'd just chalked it up to homesickness, and missing Mama. But maybe I'd missed something. Maybe something really was wrong with him.

Someone touches my shoulder.

"Pavel - " I jump away from the hand and turn, to find myself face-to-face with my wife. "Candy... I'm glad it's you..."

"Are you okay? Have you calmed down?" she asks, cautiously.

I nod. "A little bit."

"What are we going to do about Pavel?" she asks.

I look at her, sadly. "I don't know. We need to get him help. I can't just turn my back on him, not even after what he did."

Pavel throws the door open and steps into our room, his eyes blazing. Blood pours down his left arm in a thick red stream, and he's clutching a razor blade in his right hand. "He was mine first!" he screams at Candace, pointing the razor at her. "He belongs to me! He's MINE!"

"You're insane, Pavel!" She fires back at him, and I step up behind her, tightening my grip on her shoulder.

"Leave Val alone then!" he cries.

"You need help, Pavlusha!" I snap, stepping in front of Candace. "I'll get you that help. Let me, please."

"You're mine, Valya! You'll always be mine! 'Til the day you die, you'll be mine!" He throws down the bloodied razor and grabs my wrist.

"Don't you see this isn't the way to live," I ask, frantically, trying to pull my wrist out of his grip. "This isn't the way to live, Pasha."

"I only want to keep what's mine. Is that so wrong?! She's going to take you far away from me. I can't let her do that to us, Val. I can't let her ruin what you and I have together!" He clutches his wounded arm to his chest, blood staining the front of his navy t-shirt.

"Game over, Pasha. What we 'had' is over and done with," I state, firmly, shielding Candace with my body.

"It isn't over until I say it is," he murmurs, grabbing my hand. "Even if they take me away to a looney bin and lock me away, you'll live with me forever. I'll always be inside you, Valeri. You belong to me."

"No, Pasha. This is where the cycle ends," I state, firmly, amused by the surprised look in his eyes. "That's right, I'm ending it now."

"You can't!" he wails, a heartrending sob escaping his lips. "You can't end it! That's not the way it's supposed to be! *I* decide when it ends, Valeri!"

I sigh, shrugging my shoulders, placing my hand on Candace's. "We're going to leave now, Pavel and we're going to call someone that can help you."

"STOP! VALYA!" he cries, plaintively.

I pause in the doorway and his blue eyes fill with hope. "You don't own me anymore."

Candace and I turn our backs on him and walk out of the bedroom.

"I loved you, Valya," he whispers.

Part 8 | Part 10