***Boyd's POV***

I never thought it was possible to miss someone who I've never had a real relationship with this badly. Surprise, surprise. I've been miserable for most of the past week, and it hasn’t helped much that Dandy has been depressed ever since he came out to me. The only bright spot was Canada winning the gold medal. The whole team went nuts, either cheering or booing wildly. But even that didn’t keep me happy for very long. I kept seeing everyone hug Steve, and I wished I were on that team so I could hug him and jump into his arms too. This has gotten totally out of hand.

And now...now they're coming back. Or at least Shanny is, Steve will be in Michigan with his bad knee, and I'm not sure how to feel about that. Part of me is happy that I don’t have to deal with him, not yet, not while I'm this deep in infatuation. But I miss him. I miss him so much, and I just want to see him again.

Luckily, the whole locker room so buzzing with tension that they don’t notice my dilemma. Everyone was worried about someone else being bitter about the color or existence of their medal. I'm pretty sure everyone will be mature about it. Nope, I'm worried about something else entirely. The break didn’t work, I'm more obsessed with Steve than I've ever been, and now someone knows. It's not that I don’t trust Dandy to keep the secret, I'm just worried that he'll do something, I don’t know, start giggling or something, and it will all be over.

"He's here!" someone yells. "Get ready!" Me and the other nine Canadians on the team all group together near the door, leaving the rest of the team to shake their heads at us. Duchesne silently starts to count us off, and when the door opens, we all burst into "O Canada".

Hull and Chelly just roll their eyes and head for their lockers, but Shanny just stands there, grinning like an idiot. It's such a great moment, to see him happy like a little kid.

Once we finish singing, we start cheering and applauding. Shanny starts hugging anyone he can get his bandaged hands on. Dandy is one of the first people he reaches, and if I didn’t feel so bad for him, I would be very amused at the way Dandy tenses up at the touch of another man.

Eventually, the mini-celebration breaks up, and we start to get ready for the game. I start to put on my skates and stare at the space where Steve's locker would be. "You really miss him, don’t you?" Dandy asks.

"Yeah." I finally look away from the empty locker when I see Shanny stare at me suspiciously. "This really sucks."

He sits down next to me. "I know, I know. I'm not exactly having the best day either."

I smile. "Oh come on, what sort of bad things have happened to you today? What, now that you aren’t straight, you don’t want to be hugged anymore?"

Dandy gives me a Look of Death. "Do you HAVE to keep talking about that?" His face falls into a look of sadness. "It's not that I don’t want to be hugged. I'm just afraid that something would, you know, happen."

I roll my eyes. "Something like what? Sparks would start flying? An alarm blaring 'Dandy is gay' would go off?"

"No." He starts glaring again. "Something like...like...I'd get...you know, the soldier would stand at attention or something."

I have to bite my lip to keep from laughing. It's not funny, it's really not. I feel bad for him, but he's so paranoid I want to laugh. "Well, did it?"

He punches me in the arm. "No, you pervert!"

Now I laugh. "I was just wondering."

By that time, we have to head out on the ice for the game, and after we pull off an overtime win, the locker room is roaring with enthusiasm. In all the commotion, I feel a tap on my shoulder. I glance around and see Shanny standing there. "Boyd, when you have a second, can I talk to you?"

Oh God. Oh dear God in heaven, he knows. He has to, why else would he want to talk to me? What other reason would he have other than to say 'Boyd, you're a sick freak, please stop thinking about Stevie that way'. This is so very very very bad. Because if he knows, he's bound to tell Steve, and that would be....can someone please kill me? Like, now?

I duck into the bathroom. I can’t go back out there, I can't look at him, I can't see him, knowing that he knows, knowing what's waiting for me. I lock myself in one of the stalls. Maybe if he doesn’t see me until we're on the plane, he'll forget, or give up, or something, anything, so I won’t have to deal with this.

I sit there, waiting for the racket to die down, for the quiet that will signify that it's safe and I'm alone. It feels like it takes forever, but finally, the noise stops. I hesitantly step out of the stall. There is a small mirror above the sink in front of me, and I see my face in it, blotchy, frightened. I can’t get on the plane looking like this. I start running the water in the sink, splashing my face, and trying to make myself look presentable. It's not working, I still look like I'm about to burst into tears. I can’t face everyone like this, what am I gonna do?

"There you are!" a familiar voice says.

My eyes widen, and I spin around, trying to back up, managing only to press my back against the sink.

Shanny walks around the corner "We've been looking all over for you." He looks at me, and I can see confusion spread across his face. "Boyd? What's wrong?"

I take a deep breath, trying to calm down. "N-nothing. I was, uhm, just feeling a little sick."

Shanny walks closer to me. "Really? Hmm. That's not good. Did you maybe catch what Pavel's got?" He grins. "Were you two kissing and swapping germs or something?"

I turn red. "No! No, we...I..."

He blinks. "It was a joke, Boyd." He takes another step closer. "Seriously, is there something wrong?"

Ok, so denial isn’t working. Maybe another approach? "It's just some personal problems. I'll be ok."

"Why don't I believe that?" His voice is soft, amused, and I start backing farther into the sink. "Look, Boyd, we're holding everyone up. Let's talk about this on the plane."

What choice do I have? I follow him onto the plane and we end up sitting next to each other in the very back, a few rows away from everyone else. "Ok, spill it."

I stare down at my feet. "It's nothing you need to worry about. I'll be fine."

He sighs. "You know, there isn't a big red 'A' on my sweater because I cheated on my wife. I'm supposed to be watching the team while Stevie's out, taking care of business for him. Last time I checked, that business included making sure players aren’t moping around, or standing in the bathroom looking like they've just seen a ghost." He pauses for a moment, obviously waiting for me to say something. When I don't, he continues on. "Are you having girl troubles?"

I blink. He's sure got a funny way of interrogating me about Steve. Unless...unless maybe he doesn't know... "Sort of, in a way, I guess." It's a lie, but I'm willing to do just about anything to get Shanny away from the path of thought that would lead to him figuring out my crush.

"Well then, you've come to the right person!" he says with a grin. I refrain from pointing out that I didn't actually come to him. "I know all about girl problems. SO what's going on, did your girlfriend leave you? Are you cheating on someone? What?"

I'm speaking before I can stop myself. "Well there's this girl, and she's so perfect and awesome and everyone looks up to her...and I'm so in love with her, but she hardly even knows I exist. I'm like nothing to him...her..."

I am seriously about to jump out the plane window after that verbal slip, but Shanny's hand grabs my arm. "Boyd." His voice is quiet, firm, and gentle, all at the same time. "I know what you're talking about. You know what you're talking about. Considering we both know what you're talking about, how about we talk about it openly?"

He can't know. He only thinks he knows, because he would run with disgust if he knew the truth. "I don't know what you're implying.."

"You have a crush on Stevie," he says matter-of-factly. The bottom falls out of the pit of my stomach. He really does know. The hand on my arm moves up to rub my shoulder. "It's not something to be ashamed of. Having a crush on someone you look up to is natural..."

"It's not just that, though," I whisper. "It's not a normal crush, because I've felt this way for nine years. And...and every day, it gets stronger, till I'm not even sure I can call it a crush anyone." I want to cry, I want to curl up in a little ball and sob, but I don't, because there's no crying in hockey. I settle for burying my face in my hands.

Now Shanny's hand is on my back. "Ok, so more than a crush. Again, it's natural. There's no reason for you to get upset, really."

He doesn't understand, but really, how can he? Then, a horrifying thought shoots through my mind and I jerk my head up. "You won't tell him, will you?"

Shanny shakes his head. "Stevie? No. He probably wouldn't believe me anyways."

I smile shakily. Maybe this isn't the total hell I thought. "Can...can we forget that this conversation ever happened?"

He grins back at me. "What conversation?"

"Thanks." My smile gets more genuine. "What did you want to talk to me about in the first place?"

"What? Oh yeah. I wanted to tell you to have your skates looked at, you were falling down a lot and that could be why."

It was that simple. He wanted to talk to me about my damn skates and I went and had a conniption fit. Now he knows. This is just lovely. "I'll do that. Thanks."

Shanny smiles at me again, slips on his headphones, and closes his eyes, trying to get some rest. I walk down the aisle and sit down next to Dandy. "What was that all about?" he asks.

I cover my eyes with my hand. "I don't want to talk about it."

Dandy just shrugs and leaves me alone to contemplate whether I had just made the biggest mistake of my life.

Shucks, for me there is no other
You're the only shoe that fits
I can't imagine I'll grow out of it
Damn I wish I was your lover
-Sophie B. Hawkins, "Damn I Wish I Was Your Lover"

Part 6 | Part 8