**Boyd POV***

I wonder what the jail time is for murder in the second degree. Could I maybe plead temporary insanity? Surely the judge would understand if I just couldn’t take hearing my roommate go on and on about all the women he's screwed. I mean, ordinarily it would be annoying, but now? When all I can think about is the MAN I'd like to be with? It's driving me nuts.

The schedule we're on is really pathetic. We skate all day, then we watch the Olympics, then we go to our rooms. We are on curfews, at eleven p.m. each night they stick a piece of tape on the door so they can see if we sneak out. It feels like a junior high field trip.

With being restricted to our rooms like that, there tends to be a lot of talking. All Mathieu seems to be able to talk about is women. Women with big tits. Women who wanted him. Women who...I can’t even think it. It’s too disgusting.

He's talking now, about some girl in Montreal, and I'm very close to murder. I'm not even paying attention anymore, to tell you the truth. In fact, I'm playing solitare on the bed. The sad thing is, I don’t think Dandy even notices my distraction. This has been going on for awhile, until I hear "So what do you think?"

I glance up. "Huh?"

Dandy rolls his eyes. "What do you think? About the girl?"

I'm about to give him a brush-off answer, but some evil voice in the back of my head makes me say "I think you're over-compensating."

He blinks. "I'm doing WHAT?"

Well, in for a penny, in for a pound, I suppose. "You're over-compensating for your homosexual fantasies by trying to fuck as many women as possible so you can still claim you're straight."

I'm expecting to be hit, to be laughed at, but there's just this uncomfortable silence. "I'm not gay," Dandy finally says.

I laugh, trying to diffuse the tension. "Yeah, suuuure you're not."

He goes on like he didn’t hear me. "Cuz like...you gotta actually be screwed by a guy to be gay, right?"

Oh, this is not good. I have enough problems of my own without having to be there for Dandy's coming-out crisis. But, I mean, I can't just abandon him, right? Not after he's admitted this much. "Not always. If you feel something for another guy, then you might be gay, or even bisexual."

Dandy scoots backwards on the bed, moving away from me. "But like...what if you're really not sure? What if you were just drunk and screwing around? I mean, you can do crazy things when you're drunk, and it doesn’t mean anything."

I shrug. "Yeah..." Then it clicks. "You and Sean! You and Sean got drunk and fucked around, didn't you? That's why they split you up for making noise!"

"Will you shut up?" he hisses. "I don’t want the whole fucking hotel to know!"

I smirk. "So I'm right." This is just too amuseing. Here I was about to kill him for talking about women, and then I find out he likes men...

Wait a second. He likes men? Dammit, what is WRONG with me? He's probably going nuts here and I'm laughing at him. I am a bad bad person. I get up and cross the room to sit next to him. "Look, I'm sorry for making fun of you. I know how you feel."

He sighs, looking down at the floor. "No you don’t. I'm a fucking fag, Boyd..."

I wince at the slur. "Dandy, I'm gay."

His head snaps up. "You have got to be kidding me."

I shake my head. "Nope. I'm as much of a 'fag' as you are. Probably more."

"Wow." He lets out a deep breath. "I need a drink."

"There's no alcohol here..." I say, watching him open the door and go to the vending machine.

He comes back with a bottle of Mountain Dew and takes a drink. "Know why Mountain Dew is better than sex?"

I roll my eyes. "No. Why?"

He grins. "You can't have sex with other people around, but you can have Mountain Dew anywhere."

"And no one gets pissed if you like one kind of Mountain Dew better than another." I add.

"That too." Dandy sits back down on his bed. "So you’re really gay?" I nod. "How..how did you know?"

I shrug. "I just knew, ever since I was little, that I liked men better than women. It wasn't like a voice came down from above and said 'Boyd...you’re gay. Sorry about the homophobes'."

Dandy laughs softly, but he soon gets more serious. "See, that's what I'm scared of. Because I didn’t always know, I just started to figure this out a few months back."

"Not everyone knows right away. Sometimes it takes time." I am so not qualified to be doing this....

He nods, then smiles. "So if you've always known...have you ever had a crush on a team mate?"

I freeze. Should I tell him? I can't. I CAN'T. Not about that. But...I sort of want to. I'm so sick of keeping this all inside, I just...no. I can't, Dandy would never ever let me live it down. Maybe though, maybe if I don't tell him WHO...

"Boyd? You alive over there?"

I swallow. No way will be believe me if I say no now. "Yeah. I have."

Dandy laughs, looking like a teenage girl getting ready to gossip. "Oh really? Who?"

I just shake my head. "No one you know."

"Oh, come ON. I know almost everyone. Who was it?" He frowns. "I can keep a secret. Tell me. Just between us...us...whatever-we-are."

"You can’t even say it, can you?" I ask.

Dandy looks like he wants to yell at me, but he just sighs. "It's not easy to say. No that you would know, Mr. I've-always-known-I-was-gay."

His words deflate me, drain my annoyance away. Hell, I couldn’t even say it to a real person the first time, who am I to criticize him? "It isn't easy. You're right. Look, can we not talk about this right now?"

He crosses his arms. "No, 'cause you owe me. I told you that I was having less-than-straight feelings, now you owe me a secret. Just to be fair."

I glare at him. "The fact that I told you I was gay doesn't even matter to you, I guess."

"Nope." A maddening grin spreads across his face. "Tell me. The way you're acting, it has to be someone on our team." I can't do anything but blush. "It IS!"

I glance away. "Yeah..."

"So who?" He leans forward. "Pavel? You two are pretty close on the ice..." I shake my head. "Hmm...." He tilts his head, thinking. "Maltby? You know, I think Malts might be game for that..."

I laugh. "No, not Malts. Look, will you please drop it?"

"No, I'm not gonna drop it!" His face twists in disgust. "Tell me it's not Hull?"

I shudder. "Eww! No!"

Dandy let out a frustrated breath. "Then WHO?"

"If I wanted you to know, I'd tell you." I rub the back of my neck. "I don’t wanna talk about this."

"You still like this person, don't you?" His voice is gentler now, and I nod as I stare down at my feet. "Boyd, I'm not gonna tell anyone."

I bury my face in my hands. "It's bad, ok?"

A pause. "It's not me, right?"

I pick my head up. "No, it's not you."

"Then what’s the worst it could be? It can't be too terrible, I mean, having a crush on a team mate isn't all that different from having a crush on some kid in school. Unless you're, like, in love with the captain or something....." He trails off. "It's Stevie, isn't it?"

This would be a very good time for the floor to open up and swallow me, or for a fire alarm to go off, or something, anything to get me out of this. "I told you it was bad," I finally whisper.

I feel the bed shift next to me as Dandy fidgets. Then his hand reaches over to grab one of mine. "I used to have a crush on the class president in high school. That's sort of like this, right?" he says softly.

"You don't understand. I've felt this way about him...it feels like forever. I had a crush on him when I was 13, and... I guess it never went away. Then I came here and now that I know him...it's worse because I'm so close but I can't do or say anything..." I wipe my eyes angrily with my free hand.

Dandy is silent for a moment. "Maybe you just need to meet someone else, someone who will take your mind off him?" he finally suggests.

"Right, the way women took your mind off men?"

He winces. "Good point."

I sigh. "I'm going to bed now."

"Alright." We are both silent as we change into clothes more suitable for sleeping in and crawl into our respective beds. After we turn out the light, I head a whisper. "Boyd?"

I roll over to face Dandy's direction. "Yeah?"

"Thank you for listening."

I shrug, although I'm sure he can't see it in the dark. "No problem. If you want to talk any more, just let me know."

"Thanks." Silence. "You know, if I weren't in denial and all that, I bet I'd have a crush on Stevie too."

I laugh weakly. Hey, at least he's trying. "Thanks, Dandy. Good night."

"I mean it. The way he moves the puck..."

"Good night, Dandy."

"I'm trying to be supportive here! Uhm...he's....uhm...Canadian...."

I roll over, pulling the pillow over my head. I knew telling him was a bad idea...

You won't be mine
Count my friends on my left hand
I don't need another who wouldn't understand
All my friends say I'm in love
This is what I think they're thinking of...
-Minibar, "Choked Up"

Part 4 | Part 6